Muskegon area bereavement doula, Jen Cantrell, is a gift to our community.
With October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I wanted to share a blog on the topic. The one person I knew I could count on to help with this is Jen Cantrell of Angel Wings Bereavement Services. She is a certified bereavement doula and chaplain. Dedicated to her calling, her work with families is a priceless gift.
Initially, I wanted to sit down for a video interview with Jen…but, for two busy moms like us, that isn’t so easy. So, with a little effort from the both of us, we’ve got the interview for you – minus the video.
Beth: With October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I thought now would be the perfect time to highlight your services and the event that you have coming up in October on the 15th. To get started, I was wondering if you could describe for everyone what a bereavement doula is, as I know it’s not something most people have probably ever heard of.
Jen: A bereavement doula is someone who provides support before, during, and after labor and delivery. I assist providing education about memorial or funeral arrangements along with educating families and ensuring compassion by all in contact with the family. A bereavement doula is an anchor, a stable source to hold on to when the whole world seems to be spinning around you.
Beth: What lead you to become a bereavement doula?
Jen: I am the mother of 15 children who I hold in my heart and 4 I hold in my arms. When I was pregnant with my last rainbow baby (a rainbow is a baby born after a loss), I was assited by two incredible doulas. They inspired me to give the same compassion to others that I received from them.
Beth: About how many families have you served?
Jen: I serve families in a variety of capacities; some only prior to birth, many during, some only after and some who aren’t local. In 4 years I’ve served about 340 families.
Beth: Every year you have an event to remember the babies gone too soon. How long have you been doing that and how much has this event grown over the years? I’m curious as to how many babies are being remembered this year so far (if you know).
Jen: I’ve been hosting events for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month since 2008 – so 9 years now. It started with me remembering about 75 babies and as of today, I’m remembering over 2000 babies this year.
Beth: How does what you do work? Do most people know ahead of time that they will need you?
Jen: Our local hospitals and OBGYN’s are aware of me and what I do. Sometimes I’m contacted by the hospital. Others find me via a variety of loss groups and websites. Sometimes it’s just word of mouth. 95% of the time, I’m meeting families in their hospital room.
Beth: What about your family? How do they feel about what you do?
Jen: My family is very supportive of what I do. My older children help create keepsakes. My husband is always open and available to meet and talk with other dads.
Beth: StillBirthday is the organization that certifies bereavement doulas. Can you tell everyone a little bit about this?
Jen: StillBirthday was created by Heidi Faith 5 years ago after her son Christian was born not alive. StillBirthday currently has certified doulas all over the world, as well as chaplains like myself. The website itself is full of information for anyone experiencing any type of loss of a child.
Beth: What advice would you give to anyone who might be interested in becoming a bereavement doula? Like, what are some really important things you think they should know?
Jen: This is not an easy job by any means. You are on call 24/7/365. You will be the rock in a variety of uncomfortable situations. But you will also fall in love, each and every time. I’m always open to talk to anyone who’s interested in becoming a bereavement doula.
Beth: Since your position as a bereavement doula requires that your services are voluntary, what can people do to help you? Other than donating money, are there other ways they can contribute?
Jen: Donations of any sort are always needed and appreciated. Monetary allows me to obtain immediate needs. But I’m always in need of blankets, hats, candles, tissue packs, stuffed animals…I could go on for hours. To find out more, there is a list on my website.
Beth: Any words of advice for those trying to offer support to a mom who’s experienced a loss? I know it’s hard for most of us to know what to do or what to say.
Jen: Say the baby’s name! That would be my #1 word of advice. Acknowledge the baby’s life, no matter how brief. Sometimes the most comforting thing is allowing mom to cry, and yell…allow them to hurt.
To wrap this up, I want to thank Jen for her time in helping me with this interview, but even more so for the work she does. This is such a sensitive topic, and I can’t think of anyone better to be there for women and their families during loss than her.
(Article written by Birth Quest doula and birth photographer, Beth Singleton)
Birth Quest doula attends lecture with Obstetric residents about preterm labor.
On August 22nd, 2017, Sandy Parker from On the Path Yoga and I drove to the New Holland Brewery in Grand Rapids to hear Dr. June Murphy, DO, Maternal Fetal Medicine Fellowship Director at St. Joseph Mercy Oakland Hospital, talk about “Advances in Management of Preterm Labor: Achieving Optimal Practice.” The lecture was at an event that combined the journal clubs of obstetric residents at Mercy Health Hackley in Muskegon and Metro Health (University of Michigan) in Grand Rapids. The event was sponsored by Hologic, the makers of the fetal fibronectin test.
Understanding the ever-changing standard of care involving preterm labor is important for maternal and infant health advocates, like doulas and childbirth educators. People who experience preterm labor are often confused about why treatment varies so much between patients. Not understanding the standard of care can lead to anger when it appears that patients have not been treated equally. While unequal care can occur, protocols can prevent bias and reassure patients that everything possible is being done to protect them and their infant.
While preterm labor is the leading cause of infant mortality in the US, it is very common and often harmless. In fact, I learned that as many as 1 in 4 women will experience four contractions per hour prior to 32 weeks! However, 30% of preterm labor resolves spontaneously, without treatment. Only 1 in 10 women who are diagnosed with preterm labor will give birth within 7 days. In other words, uterine contractions poorly predict whose baby will be born too soon!
To complicate matters, steroids given to mothers with preterm labor improve newborn outcomes when given as late as 34 – 36 weeks, but can be harmful when given unnecessarily.
So, what are providers supposed to do? Fortunately, the March of Dimes created the Preterm Labor Assessment Tool (PLAT), an algorithm, or decision tree, based on the Rose et al study (2010), to assist healthcare providers in deciding whether to admit someone in preterm labor. Dr. Murphy explained how the cut-offs for cervical length combined with the fetal fibronectin results best predicted who would deliver early. Unfortunately, the protocol does not prevent preterm birth, but does save money, time and stress from unnecessary hospitalizations.
In addition to the lecture, residents reviewed two articles, one comparing the efficacy of vaginal progesterone to an injection. Studies in the last decade have shown that progesterone treatment to prevent preterm birth is effective. Barriers to this treatment include problems with insurance reimbursement and compliance with office visits to receive injections. Vaginal progesterone has the advantage of being cheaper and easier to administer. Although the study was small, it showed promise for an alternative, but effective, treatment to prevent preterm delivery and save lives.
Dr. Murphy said that if a woman presents to a hospital in preterm labor and there was a thought bubble above her fetus, if would say, “Follow the protocol!” The causes of prematurity are complex and interrelated. Clinical providers have a limited role in addressing the underlying causes of prematurity and the infant mortality that results. Standardized care based on the latest research can reduce treatment influenced by bias and help achieve equity.
Source: Michigan League for Public Policy, 2017 Right Start Annual Report on Maternal and Child Health, Muskegon Community Report
According to Kids Count data, released August 9th, 2017, the Black infant mortality rate, or B-IMR, in Muskegon County has more than doubled in an 8-year time span. The infant mortality rate measures the number of infants who died per 1,000 infants born. This makes it possible to compare places with different population sizes, or groups within a population. The data in the report compares a “rolling average” or the average of a 3-year time span, 2008 – 2010 and 2013 – 2015. For a relatively rare event like an infant death, years are combined to get enough numbers to make sure the statistics are not related to chance.
The community report for Muskegon County points to the Maternal Infant Health Programs (MIHP) at Muskegon County’s two Federally Qualified Health Centers, Muskegon Family Care (MFC) and Hackley Community Care (HCC) and several programs through Catholic Charities of West MI as examples of efforts. Policy recommendations in the full report include:
- Reducing disparities by race and ethnicity
- Protecting the Affordable Care Act and the Healthy Michigan Plan
- Expanding home visiting programs to support vulnerable women and infants
- Addressing the social determinants of health
Here is a timeline of some significant events that impacted reproductive, maternal and infant healthcare services in Muskegon during the time covered in the report:
Muskegon County experienced a 131% increase in infant mortality during the time these events occurred. Did they have an impact?
These events may impact infant mortality in the following ways:
Despite promises by administrators that reproductive health services would not be impacted, the hospital system, now operating under the Ethical and Religious Directives for Catholic Health Systems (ERDs), eliminated insurance coverage for family planning under its health insurance plans. Although some providers violate the ERDs by prescribing birth control for preventing pregnancy, there is now institutional support for providers who, because of their own religious beliefs, refuse to insert an IUD immediately postpartum, prescribe hormonal contraceptives, or emergency contraception; or perform a tubal ligation during a cesarean, for example. The merger also meant an end to all abortions, except to save the life of the mother, which, as the court case Means vs. the US Conference of Catholic Bishops shows, is up for interpretation by the local Bishop. The ban on abortions includes terminations for fetuses known to have birth defects incompatible with life, even when the pregnant person has health conditions that can make pregnancy dangerous for them.
As I stated this past May, when I was invited to speak to congressional staffers by the National Women’s Law Center (NWLC) on the impact of religious restrictions in healthcare in Washington, DC, unenforceable policies open the floodgates to discrimination based on provider biases.
Muskegon’s Fetal Infant Mortality Review (FIMR) findings showed an increase in both unintended pregnancies among women experiencing an infant or fetal loss and a sharp increase in Black infant mortality following the loss of Title X family planning services.
The new Muskegon Planned Parenthood clinic reopens inside of Public Health – Muskegon County , providing services in Muskegon for the first time since the Peck St. clinic shut down in 2007. Title X – funded clinics are unique in that federal guidelines prohibit discrimination, religious refusals on the part of the provider and can provide more confidential services to minors than state law requires.
The Birthing Center at the former Mercy Hospital was a favorite among local women. As an in-hospital birthing center, it was physically detached from the hospital, but still run by it. During construction, some women who gave birth complained to me of noise and crowding. Some women who had given birth prior at the Mercy facility and then had to deliver subsequently at the new facility, preferred the later.
Centering Pregnancy is an evidence-based group prenatal care model shown to decrease the incidence of preterm births, with the best improvements among African American women.
Regardless of the reasons of the clinic’s closing, Muskegon County women now must drive to Grand Rapids’ Heritage Clinic, currently the closest abortion clinic, to obtain an elective abortion. For those who lack transportation to Grand Rapids or the addition time for travel, this clinic closure creates an additional barrier to obtaining services. Research has linked increases in abortion access to declines infant mortality rates.
- Oct 2013: Public Health – Muskegon County (PHMC) Eliminates the FIMR Program
Despite successfully reducing the B-IMR in Muskegon County, PHMC eliminates the FIMR program after a “Know Your Rights” event is held at Muskegon Community College. The event, co-sponsored by the ACLU of Michigan was held to educate local women about how other communities had been impacted by mergers with Catholic healthcare systems.
Planned Parenthood takes over the job of STD testing, despite being open fewer hours, when PHMC decides to focus on partner notification. At the time, we had the third highest rate of Chlamydia among all counties in the state of Michigan. Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are major contributors to prematurity and infant mortality.
Now, both of the FQHCs offer Centering Pregnancy group prenatal care, although the midwives at HCC stopped catching babies that same year, leaving MFC the only place in Muskegon to receive continuous care from a Certified Nurse Midwife throughout labor and birth.
Research shows that racially inequities in incarceration rates are directly related to racial inequities in STD rates. When the former jail was being used, the racial disparities was 5.9, meaning an African American in Muskegon County was nearly 6 times more likely to be in jail than a White resident. Muskegon County FIMR participated in at least two efforts to address this injustice: The Disproportionate Minority Contact (DMC) Coalition and a Health Impact Assessment (HIA) on the funding of the new jail. The DMC Coalition, which was making some progress in collecting data to identify key points in the juvenile detention system where discrimination occurred, had its leadership derailed by a vote electing Judge Pittman as the new president and never again convened. The HIA was sabotaged by inadequate funding and refusal to approve a research project initiated by a professor at Grand Valley State University to inform service providers of the unmet psychosocial needs of current inmates.
Muskegon is about to have its second birthing unit in five years built away from the city center to be more convenient to out-of-town patients. According to the head of obstetric nursing, community input for the birthing unit was obtained, although the public was not invited.
While the causes of infant mortality and the inequalities expressed in rates are complex, one thing is clear, Muskegon stands out in Michigan as having the largest increase, 131%, in an eight-year time span at the same time as infant mortality statewide is decreasing. This is not an accident, nor are the multiple contributing factors a mystery. What remains unasked is why aren’t the home visiting and other programs in place not making more of a difference? And moving forward, if Public Health and Mercy Health aren’t doing a good job of ensuring the survival of our county’s Black infants, is anyone paying attention and will anyone be held accountable? Who will spearhead our efforts toward improvement? Whoever that is, I wish them the best of luck in their endeavors, will follow their lead and hope that they don’t become demoralized and without a job. The needed change will not come without stepping on a few toes.
I’ve wanted to write about this for years. The profound effect crying has on people has always fascinated me. How can something that must seemingly come from a place of hurt lead to what can only be described as relief?
Now, for some people, crying comes easily. Maybe they are just instinctively good cryers or were fortunate to have the support from others to cry; I’m sure there are many reasons. But for others, like me, crying doesn’t come so easily. For pregnant women, this makes breaking through barriers during their pregnancies and labors more challenging.
Crying has always been hard for me, even though I know I need to do it. I know how much better I feel, how much less cloudy my mind is. But I also know it takes a willingness to be vulnerable, something I seldom allow myself to do. I need privacy and safety, as many others likely do. Often, those two elements don’t come together and so the need to cry builds. At some point, there’s no moving past what’s causing the hurt and the only way out is to be honest and let the tears flow.
Possible Hang-Ups About Crying
I know what my hang-ups are when it comes to crying. As someone who was bullied all through school, I did my best to hide my tears because I didn’t want to be seen as weak or give them the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. Like many other kids, I also remember being disciplined or scolded at times for crying too much. It’s about safety for me; I’ll cry when I need to, but never in front of anyone…not if I can help it. I also fear that I’m “too much” when I do get emotional, and that’s embarassing to me. So finding the nearest bathroom, bedroom, or private place is a must if the tears are going to fall.
And doesn’t anyone else think crying hurts? I hate how I feel when I’m doing it. I also hate how sometimes, it’s like an earthquake with aftershocks that pop up out of nowhere in the hours after the initial round of tears. Despite how much I hate it, though, I can never deny how necessary it is. It’s freedom, it’s relief.
So, for women who are pregnant, what are some hang-ups they might have about crying prior to and during labor? Here are a few possibilities:
- Fear of judgement
- Fear of appearing weak
- Fear of being vulnerable in front of others
- A belief that crying is a sign of weakness
- A belief that she’ll be “too much” for others to handle
- Fear of being seen as overly emotional
The reasons for these hang-ups no doubt vary from woman to woman, based on her individual life experience. Some of these impactful experiences might include:
- Upbringing (cultural, religious, etc.)
- Lack of privacy
- Lack of support
- Suggestion from others not to cry
The Benefits of Crying
Believe it or not, even if it doesn’t always come easy, crying is good for you. The list of benefits include:
- reducing emotional stress
- ridding the body of toxins
- improving mental clarity
- moving past barriers
- releasing tension
There is science behind the benefits of crying. One study found a difference in the make-up of reflex tears and emotional tears. While the reflex tears consisted primarily of water (approximately 98%), emotional tears included more chemicals. What I really thought was interesting is that one of the hormones found in emotional tears was prolactin, which is also associated with a mother’s let down reflex.
You can Google it all you want; the benefits of crying are real.
But what if you’re like me? What if crying doesn’t come so easily?
Practice is the Key
If you struggle to let those tears flow, consider the growing trend in Japan. I saw an article online that struck me a couple of years ago: Japanese men getting together to watch sad movies so they could learn how to cry. In a society where it’s considered a virtue to keep emotions in check, this trend is helping to “normalize” crying. Not to mention how much better the participants feel after a good cry!
Life is already stressful enough. Add to it the changing hormones, anxiety, and fears common in pregnancy. It’s very common for women to “get stuck” or plateau during pregnancy and childbirth. What isn’t so easy is giving in and letting it go with a good cry.
Any number of things can give a pregant woman reason to cry. From financial strain, physical changes, discomfort, to anxiety and fears surrounding birth and past trauma, it’s completely understandable to feel the need to cry. Pregnancy tends to be a time in the lives of many women where such issues emerge to be dealt with.
For a woman nearing the end of her pregnancy, it’s the perfect time to let the tears flow when she feels the need. Not only will it help her feel better, it’s great practice for labor. One of my favorite birth-related books, Natural Hospital Birth by Cynthia Gabriel, points out just how significant crying during pregnancy, and especially during labor, is. I was trying to come up with a good analogy to describe the way holding back from crying affects moving beyond barriers for pregnant and laboring women. All I could come up with was having to pee.
We all have to do it. We all know that if we hold it in too long, it’s all we can think about. There’s nothing else taking up residence in our minds when the need to pee has reached its nagging peak. Same goes for needing to cry. At some point, the dam will break.
I also think that Ina May Gaskin used a similar analogy that also applies here. She pointed out how most people have a hard time peeing in front of others. This, too, applies to crying. Having an audience, especially one that you aren’t sure supports you, is a real hinderance. Call it what you will (I think of it as a sort of stage fright), crying openly in front of others isn’t always easy.
As with just about everything else in life, practice is the key. Pregnancy is the perfect time to get in touch with your emotions and address any mental roadblocks you may be facing. Crying helps with this. A few ideas to help you with getting those tears to flow are:
- Find time to be alone
- Find safe people to talk to (your partner, a trusted friend, family member, counselor, or doula are excellent options)
- Journal about your feelings
- Watch a movie that makes you cry
- Listen to music that helps you cry
- Be honest with yourself about your feelings
- Give yourself permission to cry
As challenging as it may be, even one good cry during pregnancy can help to straighten out jumbled thoughts and emotions. It also helps to set the stage for the transition to childbirth. If crying during pregnancy helped to move past emotional barriers, remember that it can do the same during labor. Physically and mentally demanding, childbirth is no time to hold back from crying, especially in the instance of a plateau or intense transition. Tips for crying during labor include:
- Requesting privacy if there are too many people in the room
- Letting your care provider know ahead of time you plan on crying as an aid to help labor progress
- Making sure you have good support (your partner, doula, friend, or relative)
- Shutting out negative comments or advice from others (a support person can help with this)
- Practicing during pregnancy
- Trusting that crying is purposeful
- Reminding yourself of other times crying has helped you to feel better (a support person can remind you of this as well)
There will always be obstacles to crying, though. Many people, even medical care providers (they’re people with feelings, too), are made uncomfortable by crying. It’s possible that they or others (your partner, friends, family, etc.) might tell you not to cry. They may or may not give you a list of reasons why you shouldn’t cry or tell you what to do instead. Odds are, they are simply just uncomfortable with it. Generally speaking, I don’t believe most people like to see others hurt. It’s also without question a learned response. I know I’ve heard it and hate to admit I’ve said it… “Don’t cry”. While no ill is likely intended by telling someone not to cry, it takes away from the validity of a person’s emotions.
But crying isn’t about weakness or defeat. So in spite of your own hang-ups, or what others might think or say about it, it’s important to remind yourself that crying is an essential release that leads to renewed strength.
It’s kind of like the difference between transition in labor and the pushing stage: considered the most intense part of labor for many women, transition is often the time women are pushed to the limits of what they think they can take. Those viewing on will inherently want to help. If a woman is encouraged and supported through this stage, pushing often yields a more focused and less distressed woman. With the pain and intensity of transition over, women can catch their breath and get ready for the purposeful work of pushing their babies out.
If, instead of receiving encouragement and support during transition, a woman is told not to cry or is offered other options, she may miss out on the relief and satisfaction that waits on the other side of safely expressing her emotions through tears. Anxiety, fear, and other pent up emotions that are not let out cause more physical pain, as well. This is often the point where women face decisions that will affect how their babies are born. This is a very tender period for the mother. Practice in supporting a woman in this delicate phase is essential. Not only does it reduce her risk of interventions, it increases her odds of reflecting positively on the birth experience.
Just like transition, crying is temporary. It’s simply a part of the process.
Seeking out the support of a doula is an excellent idea if you fall into the category of women who struggle to cry as a way of dealing with pent up emotions or who lack needed support. Trained to listen non-judgmentally, provide encouragement and a feeling of safety, doulas know the difference that positive support makes possible.
For information about resources in the area or to inquire about our services, please contact us.
“Although this moment is bittersweet, it’s one of my favorite photos and I’m glad it was captured. Just before I was taken into surgery, after 24 hours of hard labor at home. My #doula, Faith, never left my side.”
— Ottawa County client, after a homebirth transfer to hospital
“[Faith] provided me with many resources, and I also really appreciated the teas she made me. Her evidence based approach was very unbiased and nonjudgmental. I felt like I could be honest about my needs with her… She really proved herself when the birthday came. She was my knight in shining armor! She made me feel so confident and comforted through my labor. Her knowledge of a birthing woman’s body and need for support was obvious. I credit my smooth labor and delivery to her…”
— Norton Shores mom, of her homebirth with Birth Quest
When I tell people that I’m a birth doula, the most common response I get is, “Oh, so you help women having their babies at home?”. To which I reply, “Yes, doulas support women at homebirths, but all of the women I’ve supported have given birth in hospitals”.
Because the word doula is not a part of everyday vocabulary for most people, I think many confuse a doula with a midwife. This is usually the second thing I have to explain to people about my job. I don’t catch the babies; I hold space for mom and support her through the process.
The next question usually revolves around why doulas attend more hospital births than homebirths. Several factors impact a woman’s decision on whether or not to hire a doula. For the woman choosing to give birth at home, the biggest factor is likely financial. Homebirths are generally paid for out-of-pocket, as are doulas. Since doulas don’t provide the clinical support a pregnant woman needs and they don’t catch babies, women who desire a homebirth are often faced with the decision to choose between hiring a midwife or a doula. In this scenario, the midwife is usually chosen because of the necessity of her services.
But what if having a doula AND a midwife were an option?
It’s true that your midwife will spend more time with you while you labor and provide a different model of care during pregnancy and delivery. It’s also true that she will likely have assistants who can attend to some of your needs. However, with their focus primarily on the clinical aspects of care, there are other elements left unaccounted for.
Generally, a doula will meet with you in your home at least a couple of times before you have your baby. She’ll be familiar with you and your surroundings. It’s during these meetings that doula and mom become acquainted and comfortable with one another. If there are pets, the doula will get to know them. If there are other children or family members, the doula will get to know them, too. This process is vital in developing a safe relationship as the mother will depend on the doula to cover the non-clinical elements that are a part of the birth process. It’s during these visits that mom can share her hopes and her fears. While she’s probably also done this with her midwife, the doula provides more time for mom to process and plan. The more informational and emotional support a woman receives during her pregnancy, the better.
And in the event of a hospital transfer?
Your doula will be with you. Your midwife probably will be, too, but if your doula is the one you’ve been leaning on emotionally during your pregnancy and labor, her presence is vital. Odds are, she was with you earlier in your labor than your midwife was, as well. That’s the beauty of a doula: no shift changes and present with you from the beginning to the end. Another benefit is that a doula is likely to be very familiar with the hospital environment and maybe even some of the staff, so she can help to explain what is going on and bridge the gaps between a homebirth and a hospital birth.
Regardless of the outcome, whether you had your baby at home or had to transfer to the hospital, your doula will be there postpartum for you to process the experience. Your midwife will, too, but depending on how the birth went compared to how you had envisioned it, your doula provides added space and opportunity to share things that you might not wish to share with your midwife. I know for me, I’m no good at confrontation and had I been upset with my midwife or disappointed, there’s no way I could have told her that (fortunately, that wasn’t the case for me!). A doula is trained to listen to your grievances and your joys. Validating your feelings and helping you to pick through the pieces and put them together, a doula can offer perspective, encouragement, and reassurance.
Birth is one of the most unpredictable events in nature. No matter how much you know about it, curveballs often appear in the form of all the little things that surface in the midst of the limbo of labor that no one had planned on.
I think back to my last pregnancy, when I had finally planned the homebirth I’d always wanted. It honestly was an amazing experience to labor at home and push my baby out the way I wanted with a supportive group of women (midwives, assistants, my mom and mother-in-law) and my husband. All of it was golden. I was even doing “doula talk” in my head, like focusing on the words soft and open. You see, I’d had my birth doula training through DONA only a few short months before the birth. So at the very least, I was able to focus and feel pretty in control during the more intense moments of labor. Super proud of myself for that!
However, the entire day leading up to my precious little one’s arrival, my anxiety and the negative self-talk going on in my head was relentless. Fourth baby, longest labor. Why? Was I not moving around enough? How long was it going to take? Why were the contractions that woke me in the wee hours of the morning that were 4 minutes apart and very uncomfortable spacing out to 15 minutes and not as painful? And there went my thoughts for the better part of an entire day. It’s the one part of my labor I look back on and wish I’d had a better attitude about. As helpful and supportive as my husband was physically for me that last time around (so grateful for the counter pressure and back rubs!), I needed someone to help ease my mind. I needed someone to remind me that every labor is different and that what I was experiencing was normal. I’d fed my fear of waking in labor and things moving quickly, as they had in the past (with my third baby, I went from 5cm to holding my baby in under a couple of hours after painfully relentless contractions). Instead, I spent the better part of the 24 hours that I was in labor anxious, discouraged, and feeling guilty for having sent my kids away first thing in the morning because I was sure “this is it!”. I wasn’t mentally prepared for a long labor. I’d never had one.
Don’t get me wrong; my birth team was incredible! I’d depend on them again in a heartbeat for their care and support during pregnancy and birth. Looking back, though, I know I needed more in those long hours before my little guy finally made his arrival.
Doulas meet so many needs that are maybe overlooked or not considered.
I know when my son was born, my house was a mess. Pretty sure there were dishes and laundry that needed to be done. I didn’t feel like cooking and no one brought food while I was in labor. It was a long, lonely day. I struggled to find distractions. There were so many things during that entire day of early labor that a doula could have helped me and my husband with. We were both so tired.
When I was in active labor and pushing, I soaked up every encouraging word and touch my birth team provided me. They were tender, attentive, and confident. In hindsight, I realize I had needed that all day to better cope with my apprehension about the imminent arrival of my baby. I needed someone to hold that space for me and remind me that everything would be okay. I needed someone to tend to the things my husband and I couldn’t get to while I tried to rest.
My other children were born in the hospital, where food and laundry weren’t an issue. While the hospital environment is not my personal favorite for giving birth, those two things ended up being huge oversights for me with my homebirth. I don’t have sisters or super close girlfriends that I would have felt comfortable having with me while I labored; and I wanted my mom and mother-in-law present for the birth, not running around my house cleaning and cooking. While having my son at home was truly a dream, waking up the next day to the reality of…well, real life, wasn’t. Looking back, I hadn’t planned for how to handle those seemingly tiny details. Who knew that while I did the hard work of bringing life into the world that my house wouldn’t clean itself or cook a meal for me! Or take care of my other children when they returned home the very next day (totally needed a postpartum doula, too).
My business partner and Birth Quest founder, Faith, also had her last baby at home. Her labor, which was the complete opposite of mine, was quick and intense. Despite her doula training, she found herself in need of one and speaking the words women the world over often say when it’s become too much…“I can’t do this! Make it stop!”
I needed a doula; but even if I’d wanted one, I couldn’t have afforded one anyway.
At least, that’s what I thought. I know better now. I could have asked family to help with the expense or sought a doula out that would take my finances into consideration and work with me to make it affordable. Our vision is to increase access to doulas for every person who wants one, so please contact us if you have a financial hardship, especially if that is due to the unreimbursed expense of an out-of-hospital birth. Everyone deserves a doula!
As one Birth Quest client of her having a doula for her homebirth said, “My parents paid for my doula as a gift for our Homebirth. If they hadn’t, cost might had been an issue but I definitely would choose to hire a doula again. Their knowledge and support are so priceless if you can find one you love!”
My story and Faith’s are just two of many stories. Doulas do so many things. If any one part of your labor and birth could be considered customizable, it’s who you choose as your doula. With you from the moment you feel like you need her, she’s the one you’ll have expressed your desires to about labor and birth. Whether you need someone behind the scenes – doing your dishes, folding laundry, or getting a meal ready – or someone to be a part of the action – holding your hand, taking pictures, or showing your partner where to apply counterpressure – your doula is the one person attuned to your wants and needs. And if at any time you want what your doulas doing to change, just say the words…that’s what she’s there for.
What does a doula do at a homebirth anyway?
At a homebirth, a doula is going to do everything she’d do for you in a hospital, except that she is in your space where there are more personal elements that might need tending to. Because the list could go on and on, here are a few examples:
- Ideally, she arrives earlier in your labor to provide support (informational, emotional, physical, etc.)
- Support for your partner (in the form of breaks, encouragement, direction on how to apply pain management techniques, etc.)
- Support for others present during your labor and birth (friends, relatives, children, etc.)
- Light household chores (dishes, laundry, etc.)
- Meal preparation
- Tending to the needs of pets
- Taking pictures
- Crowd control (making sure mom has the space and privacy she desires)
- Immediate postpartum support
- Assistance with breastfeeding
- Preparing a place to rest postpartum
- Meeting needs specific to the individual
- Hold space for the woman in labor
- Create/maintain a peaceful and calm environment
Who could use a doula at a homebirth?
There’s no denying that as a doula, I feel the benefits are universal and for all women. With that being said, specific reasons a doula is perfect for a homebirth include:
- Women whose family/friends are not near enough to provide support
- Women without a partner or whose partner might not be available for support
- Women with anxiety or other health issues that might impact their confidence in their ability to give birth
- Women who want to be prepared in the event of a hospital transfer
- Women who know they need a lot of support
- Women who don’t want to worry about meals or cleaning during labor and after birth
- Women who know their partners will need additional support
- Women who want support but aren’t comfortable with family/friends present
- Women who have specific wants and needs
- Women who have other children that will be present that need support
- Women who want someone to promote and maintain a calm, peaceful environment
- Women who want a safe person to hold space for them
Since doulas aren’t as commonly present at homebirths as they are for hospital births, we did a little investigating into why.
Thanks to the women who took part in our Facebook poll (@birthquestservices) to find out why they, women who’d had homebirths, didn’t have a doula. Not surprisingly, the leading reason was cost. A close second were women who felt they already had enough support while the third reason was a desire for privacy.
However, because women were allowed to choose more than one option, some chose both cost and sufficient support as their primary reasons for not hiring a doula. This leaves us to wonder…which was the biggest factor?
Answers to a 2017 Muskegon-area Facebook post asking, “If you had a homebirth and didn’t hire a doula, why not?”
— Blog written by Beth Singleton, DONA-trained Birth Quest birth doula and photographer,
who had her fourth child at home in Muskegon